Transformational Conversations

When people ask me what I do, sometimes I struggle to articulate it because, really, it's about offering a space for wellbeing through connection. And a lot of that comes when we experience a certain quality of conversation together. It seems so simple that sometimes I feel like I should have to say more. But instead of trying to pin it down to a neat definition, I’m going to share some examples from my own life and work and see if you can feel what I mean, and whether you recognise it in your own experience too as I’d love to hear your examples.

After the first lockdown in 2020, the kids from the SEND secondary school I was teaching at came back to school. After weeks of isolation, the government urged the school for them to catch up academically, but what I noticed was something more pressing. These young people already had social and emotional challenges that made connection difficult. Being locked away had only made it worse.

So I made conversation cards and took them outside. We walked together where we could talk without masks, without the boxes of the classroom. Nature set the pace for us because when the path narrowed, we moved into single file and the conversation paused. When it opened up again, so did we. Similarly, after years of feeling boxed in to a role, I suddenly felt like myself again. I could bring my humour, my conversational skill, my humanity into it. I didn't need to control every interaction.

As the stress left my body, I noticed more about the kids, and likely gave them space to relax too. They started making (occasional) eye contact with me and each other, some for the first time. They were genuinely listening and even making efforts to build on what each other was saying, rather than just waiting to speak.

I realised I was enjoying being around these children again. I hadn’t, for a while. Not because of who they were, but because of how the role had shaped me. It had defined how I was supposed to speak and act, which went against not only their nature, but mine too. It pushed me into a figure of authority, instead of letting me be the embodied, intuitive version of myself who is skilled at communication and drawing out other's strengths.

Not long after that, I sat in a waiting room expecting routine test results. What I heard instead was that I had breast cancer. That was a different kind of transformational conversation entirely. The contrast between what I was expecting and what I was told cracked something open. Alongside the shock of the diagnosis came a thought I hadn't let myself think before: I could leave teaching. I could do something else. That doorway became visible in that moment. I wasn't able to walk through it straight away, but eventually, I did, leaving teaching and becoming a full time self employed leader of Joy Ethic.

More recently, I led a session with Stories of Our Lives where I asked people to reflect on their values. Within the session we moved from the speculative and general to the specific and personal. We reflected on what do we actually do each day? And what values are already showing up in those small, ordinary moments? People observed that they don't usually stop and notice the value of their every choices. They often judge themselves instead. But when they took time to reflect on value together, when they had space to reflect and feel safe enough to be vulnerable, something changed, almost like a window was open and a fresh breeze entered. Someone realised their slow morning with a game of Words with Friends wasn't laziness, it was rest and peace and a necessary balance for otherwise full days. Another person said they felt grateful to connect with others and realise they weren't alone. Someone else said ''Today it felt okay to talk about myself, and I'm not used to that."

What I've noticed across all of these moments is that transformation happens when people move from external pressure to internal recognition. When there's enough safety, trust, and space for us to actually hear ourselves. This is especially powerful when we can do it in company. Maybe because when we're safe, supported, and have room to expand, something comes in like oxygen to a flame. We burn brighter and clearer and we can see ourselves. And then other people can see us too, and maybe their spark gets lit.

So here's what I want to know from you - you can choose one or more to answer:

• When have you experienced a shift through a conversation?

• When did a conversation or a moment move you from repetition to creativity, from the old or automatic to something live, from functional to innovative, from transactional to generous?

• What was present for you in this convesation?

• What made it possible to have this conversation?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and stories and combine the audio I receive to share them on the next Joy Ethic Show so others can hear them too. If you would like to contribute, please share a voice note via my email jolene.joyethic@gmail.com or WhatsApp me if you have my number. Please submit by 30th April.