Illuminating Unseen Connections

Often I think about the interconnectedness of things. How we are part of the flow of often unseen connections and influences, and how we also plant seeds that we don’t see growing.

Sometimes we accidentally influence someone in ways we don’t realise. In turn, sometimes when things happen to us that have shaped us, we don’t spot the influence or influences. Sometimes because we don’t have time to reflect. Sometimes because our perspective is too narrow. Or maybe sometimes because we get a little bit trapped in this egoic, individualistic sense of pressure. The emphasis on the I in every situation, I have to do this, I have to perform, I have to make things happen.

We live in a culture that prizes “self-made” human stories, as if they actually exist.

When actually there’s a miracle of unseen connections beneath the surface of everything.

Nobel Prize winners don’t work on thin air. They often have funding, or at least someone cooking their dinner, or a mentor who pushed them at the right moment. Leaders don’t conduct a choir of subordinates like a perfectly behaved orchestra. They have a massive network of support, advisors, infrastructure and context that allows them to have influence. Actors may become famous because of their individual looks, talent and charisma, yet their scriptwriter, make-up artist, teacher and voice coach do not. The spotlight only shines on the star of the show at the end.

I’ve been thinking about important interconnected moments in my own life and the people involved in them.

My friend Tamasin invited me to her Halloween party where I met my husband Pat. She also spoke warmly of him and I really trusted her opinion and so I was more open to get to know him and I am grateful for that every day since.

Before that, somebody called Andrea was visiting the school I was working at and said, “You’re good at this, but you’d probably enjoy working in SEN secondary teaching even more.” She told me about a job that was going. She had a natural authority so I trusted her opinion and valued her seeing my potential in a different setting. The new job she recommended was where I met Tamasin, who then became my colleague and friend.

Before that, I did my PGCE in Secondary English. Part of the reason was my stepdad encouraging me to recognise that, although the voluntary work and adult education training I was doing suited me and felt meaningful, a formal teaching qualification might offer more financial security. I trusted his perspective. He had always been good with money, and his encouragement mattered. I went on to become a teacher, where I met Andrea.

And before that, I got into that voluntary position in adult Education in Liverpool because a friend told me that she thought I would enjoy the work. She was older than me, with experience and ideas I respected. Someone who could light the way at a time when I had little idea of avenues to explore. The voluntary work put me on the path to consider teaching at all.

Looking back, my life has unfolded through a chain of trusted voices. Each person who saw something in me nudged me gently towards the next chapter, and those small moments of encouragement shaped everything that followed.

I am picturing them now as a series of lanterns lighting my way, though of course, it’s an illusion to think the path was ever that straightforward. It feels more like an interlinked, three dimensional map of light, guiding not only the big milestones of work and marriage, but the smaller journeys too.

There have also been paths lit up that I chose not to walk. Sometimes guidance works in the opposite direction.

Some comments suggesting I couldn’t do something stirred a quiet determination to prove otherwise. Someone whose behaviour showed me a way of living that didn’t sit right with me illuminated journeys I didn't want to copy. A closed door in a relationship, or a lack of support or acceptance at a moment when I might have hoped for it showed me very clearly, that is not the path for me.

Those experiences have shaped me as well. In some ways they asked more of me. They strengthened my resilience and nudged me towards a deeper sense of self support than I might otherwise have discovered.

I sometimes think of these people or situations as lighthouses. Not lighting the harbour I’m heading towards, but warning me away from the rocks. That may never have been their intention, yet their presence still guides me.

All of these lanterns and lighthouses together forms a web of opportunities I got to choose from, or lit sparks that fuelled me to move forward. I can’t trace them all, but I feel their glow within me.

It feels beautiful to reflect that, though the big milestones are more visible, beneath them is a web of smaller moments, nudges, comments, invitations, encouragements. Seeds planted that I didn’t see growing at the time.

It makes me wonder who planted seeds in your life.

Is there someone who has been transformational and might not even know it? Someone you want to celebrate? A moment that helped you make a significant change, or started a chain of events or circumstances you’re grateful for?

For an upcoming Joy Ethic Show, I’d love to gather some of these stories. If you have my number, WhatsApp me your voice note. Or you can email me at jolene.joyethic@gmail.com with your audio.

If you’d like to take part, please send your voice note by Wednesday 11th March.

With your permission, I’ll weave extracts of your audio into a piece for the show, so we can begin to illuminate some of these unseen connections together.